Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
