i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
