so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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