He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
