I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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