your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My hand turned me down
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
