I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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