apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
