I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
