He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
