Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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