Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
