I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
