at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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