you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
