Your tits are I can't wait for
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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