So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
