i already hear my dad disowning me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
