sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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