I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
