I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
