Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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