Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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