and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I smell stomach acid.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
