Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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