why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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