Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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