She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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