Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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