Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
