After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
