You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
