sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
