You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
