I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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