I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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