we have pet lesbian snakes
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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