You can't motorboat a personality
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
