I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i dont even know how to be here
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
