In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
