Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
