During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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