Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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