you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
