I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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