ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
