ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
