I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize