haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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