why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
