Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize