Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
