i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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