I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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