We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
