He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
