I think I am morally bankrupt
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
