At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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