i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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