dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
