As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
