I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
