I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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