matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
