; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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