At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
