we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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