Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
