I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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