Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
