We're facebook friends in real life
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i already hear my dad disowning me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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