i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
