How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
