My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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