i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
